On my algorithm the “you have to inconvenience yourself to be part of the village/maintain the friendship” is coming back, and I did write about it in a blog post post earlier this year.

I do understand everyone views friendships differently, so here is my friendship system so at least you know why I have this hot take.

Anyone who I do a favour for and deem it as an inconvenience is not a friend to me, they are an acquaintance or in a circle outside of that. There is nothing wrong with that, you do have to occasionally inconvenience yourself for people who you aren’t too close to. Big whoop that’s our reality as adults.

But my friends are people who I care about. Doing anything for them is something I view as an opportunity to show love, appreciation and joy of having them in my life. Why would I feel like it’s an inconvenience? Don’t get me, wrong, we have rough days as adults, and you are entitled to feel exhausted and drained from your own life. But I feel as humans, we don’t necessarily default to asking for help, so if someone is asking for help/assistance I know that has involved bravery to speak up. And if they have spoken up, it means from their perspective they couldn’t do it anymore alone. Now as the person being asked, you may suggest solutions that seem very simple to you, that they may not have picked up on, because they were suffering the problem. So yeah, you can roll your eyes at that, but you helped them in a moment of stress. And to look at that and think its an inconvenience makes me wonder how you view that relationship.

Just because someone views you as a friend, or a really close friend, it does not automatically equate that they reciprocate. Because everyone views friendships differently. And there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you understand between each other how you see each other. If you view them as a close friend, and they have closer friends that aren’t you, that does not mean they don’t like you. It just means they have other relationships. And last I checked, you don’t swear or commit to 1 type of friendship with 1 person at a time.

If that person is your friend, and they ask for your help on something, is it an inconvenience to help them? Because you can say no, if you’re busy or you don’t have the bandwidth to support, that’s perfectly fine. And if they don’t understand that, then maybe the friendship boundaries are not clear enough or there is no respect for them. Either way it feels like at no point where they ask for help does it come across as them inconveniencing you. You are someone that they feel close enough to ask for help. And isn’t that a wonderful privilege that there is someone on the planet, who is NOT your relative, who wants and chooses to have you in their life and enjoys that thought enough to share moments both bright and dark in their lives?

But hey, I’m not saying this to shame you into re-thinking your friendships, but just to be a devils-advocate of that message online. Because, I do inconvenience myself to help people who I know need it, but are not people who I would happily offer assistance to on a random Tuesday. Whereas my friends and inner circle are people I would drop things for if they needed me in that moment. And my friends know I am that kind of person (lool hopefully)

Friendships are non-binary, and if they were binary it would be very boring to maintain them.

Have a lovely weekend,😊😊

Rue

Adulting For Life