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Hey there,

Everyone knows making friends as an adult is insanely hard. Like how do we remove the societal judgement that we have learned growing up, to enable us to just spontaneously connect, like how kids do?

I have spent the last 2 years actively trying to build a social life as an introvert, and yeah I still feel that internalised judgement. But when I tell people how I have made friends, they are impressed that I managed.

I have split this into 4 levels and the last one is the method I recently used:

If you have pre-existing acquaintances, have a go at getting some of them to be your friends

If they are acquainted you probably share an experience that you can bond over, and initiate a conversation with. Let that convo flow in whatever direction it takes itself, to help establish a connection. This is easy, as that person is not a complete stranger.

Talk to friends of a friend

Hear me out, if you have a friend in common with a stranger, there is a good chance that you guys could be friends too. You share a common friend, and though its not guaranteed, it could be for similar reasons. So, that would mean you are compatible. And your friend in common would introduce you, so that takes that pressure off you.

Say ‘Yes’ to more

This is within reason, but everyone gets the occasional invite to social events. Whether its by strangers or friends. Just say yes to a few more. Especially the ones that are in subject areas (hobbies or interest) that align with you, because you would meet people who also think similarly. (Things in common)

Initiate contact first

My recent experience: I have worked with one of my neighbours, and came to find out their partner has the same interest in books that I do. But I have never talked to her AND I don’t talk to my neighbours. There was a wine tasting event recently, and I slid into her IG DMs (yup) and invited her to join me. And it was a success (we have another friendship date planned).

It’s still an insane thought to me, because I can’t fathom a reason to reach out to a stranger no less, and ask them to spend time with me. But I did, and still one of my proudest moments for 2025.

Thanks for reading and I hope you have a great week.

Speak soon,

Rue

Adulting For Life